Hear Me

It's been a little bit since I've last blogged here, I've been wanting to, however I just haven't got to it until now :)
I'll be a bit transparent here: this past Sunday, God had touched the heart of the pastoral staff at the church I attend to change it up a bit that morning.  So, after David, the pastor, had spoke for a little bit and gave an "outline" of what was gonna happen.  Prayer.  That's what was going to happen; to be prayed for and to seek the Lord and just talk with Him.  I asked David, who also happens to be my mentor, to pray for me.  To be honest, I have felt a bit transparent and feeling kinda "stuck."  God gave Him a picture of me standing and looking around my horizon.  I was comparing myself to the likes of my peers in their respective ministries.  (To give some background, last year I had spent a year in Medford giving a year of my life for God to do what He wants with me and for me to grow with Him.  I felt God call me back when the "program's" year was finished.)  It's not necessarily that I was feeling like I failed, but more like feeling like I'm not doing "good enough" and that, I guess when it comes down to it, failing in what I feel like God has called me to.  The truth is, I have lots of knowledge in this brain of mine about Biblical things and stuff I understand about God, but as much as I have in my head, it doesn't always make it to my heart, where it affects change in my life.  I fully know that where I am at, I am there "for such a time as this" and that God has something for me here.  I know that, no matter how hard I try, I really can't work to please God.  No amount of stuff that I do can make God be pleased with me.  Yet, because I am in Christ, I have God's approval, His blessing, and I am pleasing to Him- because I am in relationship with Him.  There's no other thing that is needed.  Regardless of where I am at, what I may be doing, who I may be with, God is always so lavishly pouring out His love, grace, mercy and favor upon me.  I can't earn it.
     Yet I find myself in this rut because I'm comparing myself.  Because I feel like I "need" to do more, it comes to me feeling like I need to work to please God and to earn His blessing.  Don't get me wrong, I know I'm saved by grace, through faith and not by works so that none can boast, but for a moment I think, "Does salvation mean I am pleasing to Him?"  Here's my theological answer: Well of course because it pleased Him to have me brought into relationship because of His manifested desire to have me in His kingdom by way of giving His Son as a sacrifice for me. (Too heady? Well... once it hits my heart, I shall have great revelation even deeper His love and grace towards me.) 
     Here's where the rubber will meet the road: as I feel like Peter after I step out of the boat into the waters and begin to look around, I need to fix my gaze upon my Author and Finisher of my faith, who is able to much more than what I can fathom and give me the proper perspective upon this circumstance that has my heart discouraged.  To this end I quote the 121st Psalm: I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth!  He will not let your foot slip--He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the moon will not harm you by night, nor the sun by day.  The LORD will keep you from all harm-- He will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and your going both now and forevermore.