Let’s Talk About Identity

                Who are you?  If you tell me your name, that’s not who you are, but only that by which people know what to call you.  Who you are is so much greater than your name.  Along with your identity, you have an immense value placed upon your life.  In many instances, you don’t live up to what your identity is or what the value that’s been placed upon your life.  If you don’t know your value/identity, you will not have any problem engaging in actions that are far below you.  In that regard, you don’t know any better.  Actions (even thoughts) that I am talking about are involved lust, greed, hatred, envy, bitterness and lying.  How those are all played out is different, but one thing is consistent with them all: they are all below you; your value and your identity dictate that you are destined for greater things than that.  Let me talk about a few examples of “identity crisis”, how it’s resolved and Who did the resolving.

            To begin with, there was a man named Gideon (Judges 6:11-16) after the nation of Israel had conquered the Promised Land and Joshua had passed away.  There wasn’t much of a government at all, and the only expectation upon them was that they would love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, strength and mind.  If they didn’t, God said calamity would befall them, and that’s exactly what had happened so many times.  In the time of Gideon, the Midianites laid claim to Israel and were basically bullies.  Gideon was threshing wheat in a whine press.  He was hiding.  Why would you thresh wheat in a place where you make wine?  For some time he was a coward, though his name meant “valiant (or mighty) warrior.”  He wasn’t living in accordance to what his true identity was.  He was too concerned that his family was the least of the tribe of Manasseh and the youngest of that family.  But God is greater than our own doubts of ourselves; He’s greater than whatever “limitations” we believe we have.  Since time began, God had in mind the great things that Gideon would accomplish.  So, when He called out to Gideon and proclaimed to him the obvious definition of his name, He already had in mind what Gideon would accomplish.  “Go in this your strength and deliver Israel from the hand of Midian.  Have I not sent you?”  Even while God would tell Gideon not to fear because “He was with him,” God spoke that in the strength that Gideon had; he had enough to lead Israel BECAUSE GOD GAVE IT TO HIM AND HE HAD IT SINCE THE DAY HE WAS BORN.

            Fast forward down Gideon’s life and we are able to witness the great things that he had done, because he was living within the identity God gave to him.  One of my favorite stories of Gideon was when God completely whittled down his army from 22,000 to 300 and defeated an army that looked “as numerous as locusts; and their camels were without number, as numerous as the sand on the seashore.”  In this instance, the reason God made such a large army small was to show (as if He didn’t do it enough already) that the power of man, the strength of man is worthless.  The only way to really attain victory is by the strength God gives.  In Him is victory.  More importantly, in Him is our identity.  How else are we to know who we are unless we know Him who created us?  The more we seek Him, the more we shall see what our identity is and how much value He has placed upon us.  (How is value determined?  By the buyer.  If you can follow where I’m leading this, you can see that there is such a high value placed upon us.  Even before the beginning of time, it was determined that He would die for us, to buy us back from the darkness—you can say He redeemed us.  Nobody can change that.  If I take a dollar, for example, and I stomp on it, spit on it and then begin to start yelling at it and degrading it, how it lost any of its worth?  Not one bit.  God determines our value and there is NOTHING that can change that.  Because He said so.)  Gideon didn’t get it perfectly; there were moments later in his life that you may wonder “what in the heck are you doing?”  However, in the victories of his life, he kept in mind the identity God had given him and knew how much he was valued by God.

            Far before Gideon was a man named Jacob.  His name meant “deceiver,” which that is what he was for some time.  If you read Genesis (chapters 25-50) you can see a transformation in his life.  Before an encounter with God (ch 32) he lived much as a deceiver.  He tricked his brother out of his birthright and stole the blessing his father would have given Esau.  This wasn’t necessarily a good thing that Jacob did; the Bible isn’t known as the “Good Book” because of the people in it, but because of the good God who orchestrated life for us.  One night, after he had met with his brother, to make right what had been wronged and to ask forgiveness from Jacob’s brother Esau, he wrestled with God.  Jacob didn’t necessarily know that it was God, the Bible references that it was a man he was wrestling.  But it was revealed to be something greater than a man because all he did was touch Jacob’s hip and it caused him to have a limp/impairment for the rest of his life.  To continue, a conversation that happened between Jacob and the “man” that night was Jacob pleading to be blessed.  What happened, was a name change.  He went from Jacob to Israel.  Israel means “wrestles/struggles with God.”  That name spoke to the identity of an entire nation as well as the man.  With the twelve sons Jacob had, and all the dealings in his life, it’s obvious that that name was true.  His life wasn’t bad, and it’s a great dilemma to have if you struggle with God.  Struggling with God isn’t a bad endeavor; in fact I would consider it one of the greatest blessings in life.  God only has good thoughts toward us and desires good for us.  The greatest good for us is Him and to struggle with God is to get to know the One who is Savior and Lord of all.

            The last man from the Bible I will talk about is Paul, formerly known was Saul.  This man is one of the sole reasons that the Gospel was spread so much through the Middle East and Europe around the first century A.D.  God had great things in mind for Paul, but before he was Paul, he was Saul, who persecuted the church.  He was zealous and the fire he had for attacking God’s church was frightening and second to none.  Saul means “asked for,” which is exactly what happened to him on the road to Damascus.  As he was on his way to persecute more people who loved Jesus, God knocked him off of his high horse (literally).  On that road, God asked for Saul’s life, to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles so that all may have the opportunity to come to a saving relationship with Jesus.  Later on we see that Saul had a name change as well, to Paul.  Paul means “small,” and if you read the epistles of Paul you can see how evident that all is.  Of all of the apostles, he easily could have been the most boastful.  He was a Pharisee, and was incredibly knowledgeable.  If he wanted, he could out-logic any person he came across.  But, with the identity that God gave him, and the understanding that living within the identity God gave you is greater than anything that any one person could come up with, he was okay with making himself “small” for the sake of the Gospel.  “For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified,” (1 Corinthians 2:2) and “Although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh.  If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless.  But whatever things were to gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  More than that I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish that I may gain Christ,” Philippians 4:3-8. 

            I want you to think of this: you’re not your mistakes; you’re not your failures; you’re not your past.  No you are far greater than that.  And the only way to know who you REALLY are is by seeking after the Lord.  He has all things for you; everything you need is bound of in the resurrected Savior, Jesus Christ.  “Seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence,” 2 Peter 1:3.  Do you want to know what your true identity is, and live in it?  The solution is found only in He who created you, only in He who loves you and He who died for you.  Seek Him to find your identity.  Seek Him to find your value, because it is much greater than you could ever imagine.
     To the foundation, this is WHO YOU ARE:  You are a beloved child of God, accepted among the beloved; your are chosen and accepted; you were created with such strengths and skills, placed within you by Creator-God, for such specific purposes that the only way for you to fulfill those purposes are to seek God.  You are cherished and loved more than what your heart and mind could ever comprehend; you are not a mistake, but were placed upon this earth for specific plans.  You are beautiful; you are strong.  You're not alone in your struggles; you're not alone in your triumphs.  Most importantly: YOU ARE LOVED.

Romania

 July 24^th Entry 1:

                I find it funny (ironic? intentional?) that the first words Gandalf speaks to Frodo (at least in the movie) are “A wizard is never late.  Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to!”  Isn't this true of Jesus?  Often times I find myself sitting and wondering whether or not Jesus is ever going to show up.  This of course is by my schedule and when I think Jesus should do something (as if I really have any clout as to when He should show up according to my schedule).  On this first flight, Jesus proved Himself faithful—like He always does.  I’m no fan of flying and heights are not my friend.  Throughout the first portion of this week I had been growing nervous knowing the inevitable flights were to come.  Initially I laughed at myself because I knew I blew it all out of proportion.  Then as we further took off and we changed directions according to the flight pattern, I began to panic.  I was scared and began to say (under my breath) “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus help me” over and over.  Then as I further panicked, I grabbed my Bible to where my devo was having me read.  “Fear not” and “I am with you; I will help you.”  Perfect.

            Am I cured of that fear? No, not really; but am I going to let it rule me?  No, because my Savior is GREATER than my fears and everything must bow its knees to Jesus.  And because perfect love casts out all fear, I am comforted by His peaceful presence and He will not let any calamity befall me.  He’s not through with me yet.

He leads; I follow

Entry 2:

            It’s interesting; I think we as humans try to place too much responsibility on ourselves.  In particular with the church, Jesus said Himself that He “will build His church” and the “gates of hell cannot stand against it.”  We have a responsibility to the church to be good stewards and to obey what He instructs us.  Much like the clay can’t do anything in how it is being formed, but is solely at the bidding of the potter.  We can only be moldable and get out of the way of Jesus and watch Him do what He does.  Much of life is just taking ourselves out of the equation and just let God lead.

He leads; I follow

July 28^th Entry 3:

            I’m in Romania!  How crazy is that?  As much as I love lose to say that I’m completely comfortable here, I am entirely out of my comfort zone.  It’s just that the peace that I feel is the knowledge that I am right where God wants me to be.  There is no safer place to be than in the will of God.

            At the church service today, I experienced something incredibly profound (aside from dozing off and having the “nods” because of the heat… hehehe): participating in the presence of God with a different part of the body of Christ.  During worship, it didn't matter if we knew the same language because we worship the same God.  Unity in Christ isn't something to be “achieved” or a way of thinking.  It’s something we live in because Christ lives in us.  In Jesus there is no “Greek of Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised,” Romanian or American.  But we are one because He has made it so.  The church is made up of once-broken people made whole by Christ, brought together to display a mosaic of His majesty, His healing power and His amazing grace.  Dysfunctional normality is now functional because of His work in our lives.  Valleys shall by raised up, hills made low; rough paths smooth.  That’s what He does.

(completely different thought)

            It’s interesting to me, I’m not necessarily “passionate” about missions, but God has begun to speak to me about them.  It’s not say that I wouldn't love travelling the world and sharing the Gospel, but I’ve never had a fire in my belly for that.  I’m passionate about the body of Christ, and long to shepherd His people because that’s what vision I feel God has given me.  Yet, what has been continually revealed to me is that God leads, I follow.  Let’s see what adventure He has for me.

July 30^th Entry 4:

            Being a missionary hasn't ever been a desire.  I don’t know if it is one at this moment, but within me God is really cultivating a love for Europe.  Maybe it’s because my heritage is deeply rooted within Germany and my ancestry is calling after me.  One thing’s for sure is I love God’s church.  I really love God’s people.  If that means venturing overseas to help God build the church, well He leads and I follow.

            Thinking about it on the plane ride from Chicago to Munich, I watched the Hobbit.  Gandalf said, “I’m looking for someone to have an adventure.”  I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve found this to be a desire of mine.  A rather deep desire, too.  Now first and foremost, Jesus has called me to an adventure, the greatest one in History.  God created man—men in particular—to desire a companion in life.  After all, He said of Adam “it is not good for man to be on his own.”  I feel within me growing a yearning for an adventure, and someone to accompany me.  I believe the Lord will lead her to me and me to her.  But still, He leads; I follow.

            Life really is an adventure when you let God lead.  It’s not like we ever truly had a say in anything anyway.  My actions and my attitude?  Yes.  Anything else? Nope.  I am growing and continuing to give the reigns fully to Him.  Because He leads; I follow.

Romania devotion for July 31^st:

Galatians 3:26-28 “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus for all of you who were baptized in Christ have clothed yourself with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ.”

            Unity in the Spirit is not something to struggle for nor is it something we work toward.  Perfect unity cannot be “achieved” by human will or strength.  God says “not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit” (Zechariah 4:6).  Because we have the Spirit who dwells in us, unity is something we live in because our God is not divided against Himself.  If I've found myself hitting a brick wall, it’s because I was acting within myself and not within the Holy Spirit.  He is the One who makes it possible to love with any depth or being of myself.

August 1^st Entry 5:

            It turns out that when you do the will of God and speak the words that He gives, you feel good.  I don’t do it for the good feeling, though.  Life is much more than feelings.  It doesn't always feel good to do what God says because it dives into parts of life that may be messy.  However, tonight was not the case.  Speaking of God’s grace made me think about His grace.  It caused me to reflect on the evidence of His grace toward me.  Something as simple as color; would we notice any different the world would be if God didn’t splash the world with fiery reds, or magnificent blues?  What of the flavors of food?  God didn’t have to make things taste as good as they are.  And sometimes I wonder why He would do such things.  One of my favorite authors says it this way: “Is it perhaps, He enjoys so see that look upon your face?”

            As I thought on it more, there will never be a greater display of God’s grace than all that Jesus did on the cross.  To start with, the very fact that He was on the cross was amazing grace in action.  Jesus lived the life that I couldn’t and died the death that I should have.  He did it all so that I could enter into His glorious Kingdom and enjoy fellowship with Him.  One of the most beautifully powerful episodes in the Bible is the short conversation between Jesus and one of the thieves next to Him.  Just earlier He was mocking Jesus, the next he was asking Jesus to remember him when He entered His Kingdom.  I’m betting a large portion of the reasoning behind this episode was that the thief saw the sign above Jesus’ cross which said “This is the King of the Jews.  (It was the first evangelical billboard. Hehehe)  The thief asked, and Jesus gave freely.  That man deserved the punishment being dealt to him.  Jesus was completely innocent.

            The scene between the thief and Jesus gives us a great picture of Ephesians 2:8-9.  “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works so that no one can boast.”  We cannot earn, nor can ever attempt to be “good enough” to enter into the gates of heaven.  There was a written code that stood as evidence against us.  We all sinned, chose death instead of God, who is life.  It would be equivalent of a murderer proclaiming his innocence to a judge because he did some good things like walk a little old lady across the street.  But while we were still sitting, rotting in the cell we chose in our sin, Jesus brought the key and unlocked the door.  Romans 5:8 tells us that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me.  Jesus’ work on the cross gave me access to freedom on His terms.  He showed us how much we mean to Him.

            (I believe if you would ask Jesus why He did this for you, His answer would be this: “Because of you.  I did it for you.”  To Jesus, we are all the reason He really needs.  And He’s God, so He gets to make the rules.)

            To further something God has been speaking to me, it began with reading Isaiah 50:10-11 “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the world of His servant?  Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on His God.  But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires, and of the torches you have set ablaze.  This is what you shall receive from My hand:  You will lie down in torment.”  The theme—for me—on this whole trip has been: God leads; I follow.  He knows the way to go—because He is the Way—and is the only One trustworthy to follow.  He hasn't let anyone down yet and always, always keeps His promises.  If God said it, He will do it.

            Now, I take a look at the last couple of months of my life and I ask myself if that has been evident in my life.  From the outside looking in, maybe it did look like I was living that way.  My answer would be a resounding, “NO.”  It’s true I've been frustrated and confused about where I’m going in life, and at times it felt like it would better if I said “forget it” and walk away.  But something kept me coming back.  Maybe it was sheer stubbornness because I wasn't willing to give up.  But to think on it now, at every turn I felt and heard something telling me to keep going, keep pressing on.  Several mediums: close friends, family, the Word of God.  2 Timothy says it perfect “Even when we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.”  Maybe God’s stubbornness is far greater than mine; He’s not willing to give up on me.  Jesus loves me to give up on me, even when I feel like deserting Him.  (Anybody remember Peter? J)  Philippians springs forth evidence: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Amen.

God leads; I follow.

August 4^th Entry 6:

            The first thing I want to say is that it has been an absolute honor to be with these Romanians.  There are no cultural, or language barriers for the Holy Spirit.  God placed two completely different cultures together and brought about something magnificent: a display of how the body of Christ is to be.  Not identical people or thinking, but built upon the same foundation: Jesus Christ, and operating for the same purpose: living for the glory of God; to make much of God and make Him known among the people.

            Once again I had the privilege of speaking to the Romanians (and Americans, seeing how we are all together).  Beforehand I was actually nervous about what I was talking about.  I knew what God wanted to be speaking, but that didn't stop me from being like Moses at the burning bush.  However, worship before, along with prayer kind of kicked the nerves because God gave me full confidence and assurance of what I was to be speaking about.

            That night we also had another member of our team share—Hope—and at the end of what she was speaking, I was amazed.  It was completely a God-thing, because the main points or focus was the faithfulness of God.  It was amazing because we didn’t orchestrate it, but was totally driven by the Holy Spirit.

God leads; I follow

August 5^th Entry 7:

            First thing’s first: this is an incredibly bumpy and curvy bus ride.  I’ll forgive myself for .  Mission trips are all about serving.  It doesn't matter; you are there to serve.  There’s something amazing, though because it seems like even though you go to serve people and bless them, you’re blessed much, much more.  God has taught me so much and the people have blessed me and shown me many wonderful things.  It hasn’t been a 100% smooth sailing trip, but it has been completely worth it.  There is no greater reward in life than knowing you've done God’s work.  Life can be summed up in four words: God leads; I follow.

            One should think that that should be ridiculously obvious, that the Sovereign King of the Universe gets to call the shots and make the rules.  The heartbreak is that sin has distorted our view; it makes us big and God smaller (at least in perspective).  But we have the Solution: through Jesus Christ.

Dear Graduates

     This time of year is a season of graduation.  I'm beginning to wonder which scripture is more appropriate: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a hope and a future." Or James 1:2-4 "Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  Or maybe even having them together.  At this time of life, we don't really want to speak about the difficulties that may arise in life.  All we want to hear is about a hope and a future and prosperity.  I would even dare to add Proverbs 19:20-21 "Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days.  Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord will stand."

     God definitely has good things for our futures.  I cannot deny His promise.  However, He also told us that we will have trouble in this world, but the greater promise is that He has overcome the world.  In Proverbs it says "the horse is prepared for the day of battle, but victory belongs to the Lord."  You will face difficulty; I'm not going to lie and tell you that while God knows His plans for you and they are for your good that you won't encounter pain.  I do not desire it upon anyone; pain sucks.  However, the greatest reality in life is that there has always been one Constant in your life today and forevermore: God.  He "will never leave you nor forsake you."  He walks with you "holding your right hand."  In my experience, I have been in the Refiners fire since I graduated, and there has been pain and struggle.  Was I ever alone? Never.  Jeremiah 17:9 says that the "heart is deceitful above all else and beyond cure, who can understand it?"  My emotions, what I felt may have told me that I was alone during those tribulations, but the truth--what God says--is that He has been with me, even before I was following Him.

     Take risks.  Don't be afraid to fail.  If you do, there is One who is beside you, behind and before you.  The struggle is real, but your Savior is greater.  He will not let you be burned by the fire, nor be overtaken by the waters.  Run, graduate, the race God has set before you, and do is all with your best as unto Christ.  Remember:  "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him--as Lord, King, Savior--and He will make your paths straight."  The greatest thing I can tell you is that you don't have what it takes, because you don't have to.  If all you do is struggle to please your Savior, you've been misled, because you are fully pleasing to Him already.  There is a limited amount of time set before you, God has granted you with amazing gifts and has set before you a path to walk.  Hold fast to Him, because HE HAS WHAT IT TAKES.  (I don't say any of this to make you not do what God has set before you with all your heart.  Don't find the strength within yourself; find it in your Heavenly Father.)  Philippians 3:7-14 "But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  More than that, I count all things to be loss in the view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.  Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one things I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Keep Calm and Look to the Cross.

Now, some might say it's not healthy to look to the cross, because "Jesus isn't there" anymore.  Perhaps they misunderstand, but as I gaze upon the old rugged cross, I think about what it means.  I think about the great implications of all that went on in Jesus' last days.  Jesus endured more than just the cross, but that was the greatest of them all.  In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus was wrestling with God about going to the cross.  Yet, He surrendered when He said "Your will be done."  Some say that Jesus really died in the Garden, for that's where He surrendered.  Next, Judas comes to betray Jesus, and His response kills me every time.  Jesus calls him "friend."  And as that all was happening, every one of His disciples desert Him; even the head-strong zealot Peter denied Him three times. Beatings, lashings, insults, betrayal.  If there is one who deserved vengeance, it's Jesus for He was completely innocent.  Jesus didn't defend Himself; He had something greater in mind.  He entrusted Himself to the one who judges justly.  The most remarkable thing about this horrible tale is that Jesus did it all for me.  For you.
     After His resurrection, Jesus welcomes His disciples as brothers.  He doesn't cast them out because they deserted Him.  Even Peter who thrice denies Him was "restored."  James wrote that "mercy triumphs over judgment."  As I relate this to myself, no, I've never denied Jesus three times, nor did I betray Him into the hands of sinners.  And I believe that Judas was--and is--still deeply loved by Jesus and was heartbroken over his choice.  Jesus doesn't compare, nor show partiality to anyone, so should I ever feel unloved by my Jesus?  In the fire, how could it ever come to my mind that I should require Jesus to show me more love than by all that He did His last days into His resurrection?  It's that my emotions sometimes lie to me, though they tell me what's going on underneath.  That is why I must trust my God, the word of God more than my feelings.  For my heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.
    Therefore, keep calm and look to the cross.

Identity Crisis

     Paul was an extraordinary man.  Incredibly intelligent, an eloquent speaker and a bold man, who through the power of Jesus, changed the world.  The Gospel was advanced mightily through Paul.  However, he had a past and a different name in that past: Saul.  Saul means "ask for" or "prayed for."  And Paul means "small" or "humbled."  Now, there is no doubt that God called Paul and He "asked for" him on that Damascus intervention, but it's peculiar to me that God changed his name to mean "small."  Eventually Paul would go on to write to the Corinthian church that he seeks to know nothing but Christ crucified when he preaches, so that nobody would be swayed by human reasoning or put stock in Paul himself, but in the saving power of Jesus Christ.  God humbled--made Paul small--to show the greatness and power of God through him.  He used the "weak things of this world to shame the strong, and the foolish things of this world to shame the wise."
     God changed the names of several people: Jacob (deceiver) to Israel (struggles with God); Abram (high father) and Sarai (my princess) to Abraham (father of many) and Sarah (lady or princess); Simon (he has heard) to Peter (stone, or rock.) (I believe it says Jesus called him Peter [Cephas] instead of Simon.)  God has an identity for us all.  Outside of Him we are in an identity crisis--it's not stolen, but counterfeit.  If not for sin, the identity would have would be the genuine article, however that is not the case.  When we come to Christ, we are a "new creation;" yet I believer that we transition into how God had originally created us.  Which, incidentally never existed because of sin until we give our lives over to the Lord.  We don't need to make a name change, but sometimes--many times-- we must change our pattern of thinking and how we even talk/relate to ourselves.  We must have our minds transformed by the renewing of our minds in the word of God to see how God defines us.
     In high school I had many nicknames; there was one that remained constant, though: Knappy.  I enjoyed it, partly because there was a plethora of Jordans at my school.  In time, though, Knappy soon became a persona I made--it was a wall that I could hide behind.  And though God certainly creates us with defense mechanisms, going into adulthood those can actually become detrimental.  In the year that I was at a discipleship program after high school, the primary aspect God was working on my life was my identity.  He began to pull me out of "Knappy," and growing me into Jordan, the man of God.  And even now, God has been revealing this to me: God doesn't love Knappy; He loves Jordan.  I created Knappy, but He created Jordan.  I'm not saying "Knappy" isn't special, nor am I saying that there are aspects of Knappy God didn't create in me.  Of course God created me to be the goof ball, light hearted man I am.  But He didn't create me to hide and run away from pain.  God created me to walk through pain with Him.
     That being said, having been back in LG for a couple years and in that familiar territory, old ways of thinking have resurfaced.  Old patterns are coming back.  I should know better than to just let them come, and not fight back.  In this though, it also has caused me to fall into ways of self-degradation, and self-destruction.  It's easy to say something was my fault entirely, or to always find fault in myself.  Sure, taking ownership for one's short comings are good, but not at the expense of thinking you're the scum of the earth.  With that being said, it's coming as no shock to me that where I used to say that I liked myself, look in the mirror and say, "you're cool, bro."  Now it's progressed to "I tolerate myself and only looking at myself when I shave, or at the gym.  God didn't create me to despise myself.  How can I "love thy neighbor as thyself" if I can't even say that I like me?
     A low view of myself means that I'm fine engaging in things that are beneath how God has created me to be.  If I'm a prince, why would I accept anything less than the inheritance that the King has appointed mine?  Why choose the crumbs that fall off the table rather than the feast that has been prepared for me?  I'm a child of the King of kings, a chosen of the Almighty; how dare I spit in the face of the Creator and tell Him I'm not worthy of the things HE gave me?  Obviously, if he died for me, then the value on my life is greater than I can even fathom.  Why would the Hero die for the villain; or the King die for a prisoner?  It doesn't matter; God didn't die for trash.  Don't call anything dirty or worthless which God has made clean and declared the apply of His eye.  If I understood that to Him I am beloved, then I should not regard myself as the scum of the earth.  The evidence points to the opposite.  I should live with a confidence that I am cherished, chosen, redeemed.  I shouldn't accept the scraps when I'm being offered choice morsels. 
     There's no doubt that this will take time.  I'm hurt, I'm scarred and have more insecurities than I ever that I had.  But through God's grace, my road to the identity and person Jesus Christ chose me to be is not blocked.  It's no lost cause.  I can't be by my effort, though.  that's what got me here in the first place.  I gotta do it by the power of Christ in me, because His GRACE IS ENOUGH.

IDENTITY

IDENTITY

            There’s an identity crisis happening throughout the world.  It’s not that identities are being stolen and credit card fraud is happening.  No, I’m talking about a much more malicious and deadly identity crisis.  This case is crippling, stifling, poisoning to anybody’s walk in any part of life.  We’ve been handed a counterfeit identity.  False ideas of who we are, lies that have sank into our hearts that have become truths in our lives.  To not know who you are is to not know who you’re created to be.  It’s what we know we aren’t that makes us who we are.  Let me number off a few things that you are not: worthless, stupid, a mistake, weak, not good enough. 

            You are valuable. If I have a dollar bill and I crumple it up, what is it worth?  What if I step on it repeatedly? Spit on it? Even yell at it?  Has the dollar lost its worth because of what I’ve done to it? I don’t think so.  Such is the case with us.  When we were created, at the very outset, God places such a high value on us.  The first part of your identity is that you’re worth far much more than you could ever imagine.  When the Creator, the King of the Universe sees that you’re dying in sin, and though you don’t deserve His love or sacrifice, declares anyway that, “you are Mine” and that He will die for you, I believe that speaks volumes to who you are and what you mean to the Lord.  To start with, can anybody say that they’ve gone to death and back to win your heart?  After such a value is placed upon your life—the life of Jesus—can anything really change it?  Your value is your identity and you have such high value.  “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7

            You are able.  Society doesn’t necessarily trample on us and tell us blatantly that we can’t do things, or that we’re unable to change the world.  Rather, it just preoccupies our time and steals our focus.  However, the enemy, the devil, loves to tell you that you can’t do anything.  See, you were created with great purpose and a mighty destiny was placed upon your life that scares the enemy.  What drives him is fear and hatred toward you.  Cite any young person in the Bible and tell me they didn’t do any incredible things.  David, a young man killed the giant Goliath.  Mary gave birth to Jesus.  Jeremiah was called to be a prophet at a young age.  Timothy was mentored by Paul and he was such a great catalyst to the advancing of the gospel.  “God used the weak things of this world to shame the strong, and the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.”  Young people aren’t foolish in the least, but what society sometimes will place on you is the idea that you can’t do anything because you’re young.  However, that is not the case because “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” and also “My grace is enough for you for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Here’s the greatest thing: Jesus believes in you.  He doesn’t doubt you; there’s no doubt in His being.  Do you think He would have created you if He didn’t think that you were capable of great things?  Jesus believes in you!

            For my life, identity has always been a big thing.  It has always been the area that the enemy likes to attack the most, and where Jesus has battled for me the most in my life.  It’s not an area of weakness, but one of my greatest vulnerabilities.  I know I am loved, I know He has created me, but I don’t always know who I am.  In recent weeks, Jesus has been reminding me of who I am and who I am not.  One of my biggest fears is to be a failure and to let people down.  Recently I’ve felt like I’ve let Jesus down and I’ve disappointed Him.  The calling placed upon my life is great and I don’t feel like I’ve lived up to that calling.  I’ve lost passion; the dream for my life has seemed to have just slipped away.  Sunday night, I was feeling defeated, and I knew I need prayer.  I went to a friend, a role model really who I’ve looked up to for some time, and the biggest thing that stuck with me in what he said was this: “Me, as a human being who fails, who is imperfect, whenever I have looked at you, I’ve never been disappointed.  Nor have I been in doubt over the calling that’s been placed on your life.  Now, if I an imperfect man can say that I’ve never doubted you, then how much greater that Jesus has never doubted you!”  I’ve been in a battle to be reminded who I am in Christ, and how much value I have on my life.  I’m reminded of the scene in Lion King, when Mufasa is appearing in clouds to Simba and is saying “Remember who you are. You are my son.”  I feel like, in several occasions that my heavenly Father has gently grabbed my face to look into His eyes and for me to listen to Him say: You are my son.

            You are loved.  It’s not just that He loves you, He likes you as well!  I will hammer this so many times in my lifetime: there is only One who can say that has been to death and back for anything.  And that anything is you.  People can say they love you to the moon and back, but can they say, as Jesus can, that they love you to death and back?  Jesus went to the cross!  But even more than that, He rose!  He died a death we were supposed to die so that we could live a life that He should have lived.  Never have I heard a story of a King who died for the prisoner.  But that’s why He did, and He did it all for you.  Even if you were to be the only one on this planet, Jesus would have died for you.  Jesus never regretted dying for us either.  “God showed His love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us.”  Jesus already knew all of the sin we would commit when He died, but He did it anyway.  He thought it was worth it; shouldn’t we think we’re worth it, too?

            You are a child of God.  Ephesians 1:4-5 “For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight.  In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will.”  When it says that He “adopted” us, it means that He chose us.  It was no mistake that God chose us.  You are His. 

Life, Again.

     What would I say life is most like?  Certainly it is a journey that must be traveled.  But what kind?  A race?  Climbing a mountain?  Life is too beautifully complex to nail it down do a single analogy.  What do I know is that life is good because it is directed by a good God.  He knows what He's doing and life is directed towards the purpose of which He desires.  he is a benevolent God, only desiring good for His creation.  And yes, sometimes difficulties come along, some times bad things do happen.  Death, disease, abuse and the like are not good things.  However, is God not big enough, is He not good enough, is the cross not powerful enough to bring life to such dead situations?  If something is difficult, it doesn't mean it's bad, and Jesus never said life would be easy.  He said there would be difficulties in this life, but also to "take heart! For I [He] has overcome the world."  We wouldn't ever need the power of God in our lives if we were able to handle it.  Would God's grace really be good enough?
     (My aim here isn't to sound crass.  Especially after the horrible events that transpired last week.  I pray that what I'm saying here is more an encouragement to lean into the Savior.  Allow the pain and the uncertainty of this world to push you into the arms of the Savior.)
     Even with the difficulties that arise, one shouldn't forget about the joys of life.  If life has no joy, then what is it really?  God gives good things; He is the originator of all things good.  We must remember that "good" has to be within the definition God gives it.  If something is good only because it benefits me, is it really good?  Is "good" then, in relation to whether or not it "feels good?"  Sometimes growing doesn't feel good; growing pains hurt!  But isn't growing a good thing, even with the pain?  Or how about when you work out?  It may hurt for a time, and muscles will probably get sore.  But aren't the benefits greater than the temporary discomfort?  I've realized pain really isn't a bad thing.  I certainly don't ask for it, or rejoice when it comes along, but I see that there are many more benefits than the temporary discomforts.  I look back at my life, and times that may have been the most difficult is where the most growth in my life happened.  The death of my grandmothers, Anthem (difficult, but so AWESOME), and the last year and a half.  There's always been joys and I pray God will keep them coming.  But, what I'm finding when it's hard is what an amazing dillema I have before me to be on the stormy seas with the Almighty who only desires good for me, as defined by Him.
     Maybe life is like being on a ship.  For a while, preparation is mandatory.  You gotta ready the ship for the open seas.  A season of waiting is necessary.  But once you're on the open water, sometimes it smooth sailing, others a mighty squall is rocking your boat left and right.  But, there's one Constant.  No matter what life may be.  If it's while being on the sea, climbing a mountain, whichever, there is only ever One that remains.  God.  He's always here.  He's never left.  Even as we feel like we're distant, it's because we've made ourselves distant.  But the beautiful thing?  We're never too far from the redeeming grace, the forgiving hand of God.  Most importantly, His love never fails, never gives up and never runs out on us.  And through triumph and tragedy, He never leaves.  "For I will never leave you nor forsake you."
God is forever faithful.

All Things New

2 Corinthians 5:21 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
Revelation 21:5  He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

     I don't think I can tell you what I was like before I met Jesus.  I was in the third grade, nearly thirteen years ago.  On all counts I was probably an average little kid.  As far as I'm concerned, I was a good kid, but maybe I oughta ask my mom and dad.  I'm not discouraged by this, because I still walk with Jesus.  There's no denying in that moment I became a new creation, but I can't give you any detail of who I was before.  However, I can tell you who I was several years ago before I actually started walking with Jesus.  I was a hot head; my temper was my master.  Lust was my friend; I would jump at every chance to look at any form of pornography.  I was only concerned with "me"; how can I benefit?  What good will come of this for me?  Very rarely was I really concerned with "we."  Encountering and rededicating my life to Jesus flipped all of that around.  "We" suddenly became more important than "I."  Jesus is my Master--and Friend--not my temper.  I struggle with lust, sure, but it doesn't rule me; I can say no.
     Looking down the line, yes I'm certainly a different person.  I'm not who I was even a year ago.  I remember when I came back from Medford a year and a half ago, I decided that I was no longer "Knappy" but Jordan.  This wasn't just some individuality thing that I was wanting to just be Jordan.  No, "Knappy" had his own time, he had his place and he is no more.  Jesus didn't make Knappy, I did.  Why would I want to be someone that I'm not?  I'm the best at being me and nobody else can be me.  Don't get me wrong, I don't jump on anybody who calls me that; for some it sounds like I'm in trouble if they use "Jordan."  For those select few, they know who I am and who I used to be and they don't confuse the two.  And certainly, there have been events that have happened in my life that have helped to shape who I am, but ultimately I am clay in the hand of the Almighty.  I desire to be mold-able, conformed to the image that He desires me to be.  I won't bow to what any person will say about me, because my identity isn't within the mind of man.  It's within the mind of my Savior. 
     Recently, life hasn't been the smoothest.  I've had some incredible highs and some unfortunate lows as well.  I think I've been waiting for something "big" to happen in my life that will make everything change.  But, I've been finding that that's not the case; no life is about doing all the small things well.  The small things that you do well will progress into the big things of life.  Truthfully, life is in the little things; the majority of it is taken up by the small things.  One small step at a time, one day at a time.  God can certainly do big things, and He does do big things, but He's also the God of the small things too.  For instance, if you want to pray, nothing's going to happen unless you start to pray.  You begin a lifestyle of prayer by praying.  It's also like if you want to lift a lot of heavy weight.  If you've never worked out in your life, you won't be able to lift heavy things.  It takes a process of continually going to the gym and working out your muscles, working on the small weight and then progressively getting to the larger weights.  Life become big once you've mastered the small things.
     I have found that there is one constant to my life, and it will never change: Jesus.  I don't need to ask Him to come near me because He's always near me.  Sure, there are times where I feel like I step away, but does that mean He walks away, too?  He's not petty; His love is greater than that.  His hand is always on my shoulder, and there is nothing more reassuring than having somebody's hand placed on your shoulder.  It tells you that they're with you, that they got your back.  God's hand is always on my shoulder.  Is life always easy?  No, but Jesus is always with me and that makes life worth it.

Life

Luke 8:22-24
²² One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. ²³ As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.
²⁴ The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”
He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. ²⁵ “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.
In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.”
     By now the disciples hadn't been with Jesus for very long, but they had witnessed His miracles, seeing He has great power.  If they hadn't already known He was God-incarnate, this instance may have at least solidified some "hunches."  Once the storm arose and their ship was being hammered, they panicked.  Jesus was sleeping; he knew all was well.  The fear of the disciples drove them to waking the Jesus Christ.  When Jesus said, "where's your faith?," He wasn't ridiculing them.  He saw fear drive them, not faith. 
     How about our own lives, now:  storms come.  Sometimes life is hard.  When something is hard it does not mean it's bad.  Now, God isn't asleep on our boat (I'll use it as an analogy for life, as well), because He never sleeps (Psalm 121).  Nothing shakes Him.  Nothing in our lives take God by surprise.  Now if fear drives us to run to the Father, that's good to a point.  Fear cannot be our master.  When life is hard, our faith must lead us to the Father.  In all circumstances, running to our Rock, our Fortress, is always the good plan.
Jesus never said life would be easy.  In fact, He said there would be trouble (16:33), but the greater pronouncement that we must "take heart!"  For I have overcome the world.  Nothing tells us that God only gives us what we could handle.  Sometimes life is just too big for us.  What God did say, though, is "My grace is enough for you."  Why as Christians would we say all we need if God, then say that He doesn't give us things we can't "handle?"  God's no masochist, He doesn't enjoy our pain, but He does use life's difficulties to draw us near to Him.  If what comes our way in life we can handle, then we have no dependence upon our God.  But life sometimes is much bigger than us.  Weakness isn't a bad thing, but rather evidence pointing toward our chronic dependence upon a completely sovereign God.
     God in the New Testament is the same as the God of the Old.  God's grace, love and mercy is just as prevalent in each of the testaments.  In Zechariah 3:4, God speaks of removing Joshua's sin (mercy), then giving Him rich garments (grace) as well.  In regard to grace and mercy, they're both supremely undeserved.  In mercy, God forgave our sins and washed us clean; in His grace He made us sons.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  In several of the OT prophets, God spoke through them and said, "Your sins are removed" or "I remember your sins no more.  In the NT, we see Jesus dying for us, removing our sin from us.  None of which warranted by us. 
     We can say that we aren't worthy all we want, and within ourselves, that is true.  But when I look at the cross, the empty tomb, I see a separate declaration:  you are worthy, you are worth it.  By His death and resurrection, Jesus said that we are worth it.  Dare we call Him a liar:  He went to death and back to win our hearts; who can say the same?  "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)  Before we were born Jesus died for us.  Before our first breath, Jesus laid down His life.  Being God, He knew the sins we would commit.  He died for those before we committed them.  What great love is this that the King would die for a rebel?  "Conventional" thinking would say the king would kill him.  Conventional thinking is not God's thinking.  God thinks the world of us, which is why He would rather die than to spend an eternity with us.  The veil is torn, the door is open and we can come to Him.  We can meet with Him.  Dare we refuse Him? 
Matthew 11:28-30 ²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a futuree.  Then you will call upon Me and come pray to Me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord."
     I think it's important to know the purpose of God saying this to His people.  T0hey were in captivity in Babylon, and land not their own.  They had just been torm from their promised land.  Most of the Israelites were probably scared out of their mind.  These people they were in captivity of weren't all that peaceful.  Their destination--Babylon--was probably not what they thought of "prospering."  They may have also thought they really didn't have much of a future in a foreign land.  And yet, God declares that he still has a plan for them, even in the midst of the "endesires" time of life.
     This scripture is good for transistion times of our lives, yes.  Indeed it springs in the hear of the reader/listener hope.  But the context of this speaks directly to those who might not be in the most "desires" of circumstances.  Even when it seems all hope is lost, it's not erally lost.  Eventually God brought Israel back from captivity as He promised.  Jonah didn't die in the whale.  Joseph wasn't a slave in Egypt forever.  Jesus didn't remain in the grave.  God tends to work best when it seems that all hope is gone.  He enjoys to work outside of the parameters of human logic.  God NEVER ever, ever, ever, ever, NEVER said that He wouldn't give us what we couldn't handle.  Specifically what that scripture is talking about in 1 Corinthians is temptation to sin.  (1 Corinthians 10:11-13 if you wish to verify me, here.)  What God did say is "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:8b)  God understands that we are but dust, frail human beings.  He knows there are some things in life that we certainy cannot "handle."  For instance, in my life losing both of my grandmothers within 5 weeks my freshman year was certainly not something that I could not handle.  How does anybody "handle" the death of a loved one?  Or most recently, a friend of mine was hit by a car on his bike and has sustained some pretty nasty injuries.  He's still alive, praise God, but he is in pretty rough shape.  This isn't a knock on my friend, but to think that anybody can handle that kind of pain and also be bed-ridden(sp? hmm...) until recovery is hard.  Nobody likes to be helpless. 
     I don't believe God allows hard circumstances to come into our lives because He thinks that we're strong.  It doesn't mean that God doesn't think we're worthless or can't do anything.  Certainly not.  But, I believe that He allows hard things to happen so that we learn how to lean into Him, within the good and the bad.  Who ever said that life will be easy?  Jesus even told us that in this life "we will face trouble."  But even after that somber declaration, He declares: "But take heart! I have overcome the world."  We don't have to be strong when God is strong in us.  We can collapse in our weakness and allow His strength to empower us.  When we realize that the "end of me is the beginning of God" is where we realize that we don't have to be strong.  We don't have to stuff emotions; we can have a full breakdown within the arms of the Almighty, for He won't cast us out for giving in.  He will tell us what He said to Paul when he was asking God to remove his thorn: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 
     "Why do  you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, 'My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is desregarded by my God."?  Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  he will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:27-31

Dreams

Do we believe that God gives good gifts and therefore gives good dreams?  I'm of that impression (it is biblical after all) and that is why I hold on to the things that He says to me because they're always true and always good.  I believe that God has placed specific dreams (which, what I am talking about is my dream, call and passion for ministry upon my life) in my heart and passions in my heart for a very particular reason.  I believe He has a purpose for me and that only through Him will I accomplish it.  This last week, I felt God challenge me in the area of my dreams (His dreams?) for my life.  I felt Him say this: "Would you be willing to let go of those dreams? If those dreams are taken away, am I still enough?"  Yowza.  After a minute I related it to Abraham:
     God promised Abraham a son, and that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky.  After time, Isaac was born, of whom Abraham's seed was going to come from and all people shall be blessed through.  Then God said, "Sacrifice your son."  That had to be crazy for Abraham to hear at first.  Yet, he still did it, and didn't even bring a ram as a substitute for his son Isaac.  He believed God would provide.  The reasoning behind God doing that, though?  I believe it was this:  Abraham held the promise and the fulfilment of his son over his God.  He treasured Isaac over his Lord.  God isn't okay with that, for He is a jealous God and the first commandment (to be given to Abraham's descendants on a later date) spells out that no God can come before Him, lest they want to be struck down.  God wants all of us, therefore we give Him ALL of us, including our dreams.
     I've been wrestling with this one.  I've placed so much weight on God's promise and I've game planned upon that being true and nothing else going to happen for me.  I've had countless confirmations from people and I heard from God Himself, how can it not be true?  I've heard this from a very wise pastor once, that once you're a pastor, or have the call of pastoring, you're a pastor wherever you go, not just a position you have at a church.  In light of that, God was basically saying, "Are you okay with this not looking like how you thought?  Are you okay with this not being exactly how you see it?"
     I've been wrestling with this.  A lot.  It's not that I don't trust God's plan for my life or that I feel like I need to do it all on my own, however that I just need to give all of me unto Him.  ALL OF ME.  That includes my dreams, passions, desires and "plans" I have for my life.  Realistically all my dreams and passions are God-given.  I'm to be a steward of them and use them to bring glory to the One who gave them to me.  Also, I must not hold them with closed hands but to hold them with open hands because they are His, not mine.  He has a very specific purpose for each and every one of those dreams and desires of mine to accomplish a very specific purpose while I'm here preparing for eternity. 
     I know where God has called me, and I don't believe He changes His mind about His children or His plan for them.  But I do believe being a pastor is much more than just being at church preparing messages and preaching on Sunday.  I believe that God has called me and has placed a dream upon my life to be a pastor, a shepherd of His flock.  But those are His dreams that He gave to me and I'm to be a faithful steward and do all that I can with them until He reckons me home.

To God be the glory!

My Faith is Important

     I have found in all my life that whatever is foundational for me, whatever has held root in my life and has caused me to treat people in a certain way, it has been because of what I believe in my Heavenly Father.  It has caused me to desire deeper relationship because I know that I have only tasted a percentage of the cake that God has offered us and I love to experience the other "flavors" that people who have lived longer than I have experienced and have themselves come to realization about.  The questions I've had in my life have been answered and the purpose for my life has been found in what I believe about my God.  A life of purposelessness has never entered my heart or mind because I've always had purpose in Him.

     I have purpose.  Not picked out by my parents, by my friends or my pastors, but by God.  He has revealed it to me through His word and in my times listening to His still, small voice.  Having purpose causes me to live my life in a fashion worthy of that purpose, or calling on my life.  My purpose isn't only to bring God glory in everything that I do, be He has called me to live my life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ and to again, give all of the glory, honor, and praise over to Him who truly deserves it above all others.  And because of having a purpose, I don't have to go around searching for something to fill it, causing me to be empty and wandering to and fro searching for something to fill that void of having no purpose.  When I live my life in such a way, it leaves a legacy.  Not of a person who wanted it all for himself, or wanted to fit in and be the coolest, but of one who desired only to bring God the glory and shining His light in the process.  Lives lived like that change the world and leave a reverberating chord playing into eternity, bringing glory to the one and only Heavenly Father.

     One of the key things for my life is a continual "perspective shift" that I get from Him.  In my earthy perspective, everything is temporal and shallow, never lasting for more than a few weeks.  But because of God, He gives me perspective shifts from the temporal to the eternal, from the lack of a meaning to a life of meaning.  Even the perspective of myself changes because of God.  Due to my personality and being a person who is such a self-condemner and being my own toughest critic, when I come into contact with the God who loves me because of me and not because of the way I perform, the view I have of myself changes.  I no longer view myself as stupid, dumb, an outcast (or whatever the boohoo story would be about me), but I see myself as a son of the King.  As a valued child of God because the King of the universe wants to spend time with my 24/7.

     Sometimes life can feel complicated, like there are just too many chords (wires) jumbled into a big mess, like spaghetti and we're trying to untangle it all on our own effort.  But God does this: He shows us that it's not a mess of chords to be untangled, but it's all going to the same course, Him.  It's not the "all roads lead to God" believe, but rather that all of creation points to Him and it shouldn't appear to be complicated, though He's not simple in the least.  He shows that I shouldn't try to untangle the "mess" that He created because it's not a mess to be cleaned, but a "mess" to actually admire and follow where it leads.  This calms me; God tells me not to fret about the :"complicated-ness" of His creation, but to rather embrace the complexity and to not be concerned about anything else but what He has planned out for me in my day.  If it happens to intersect with people (which, of course it does!), I should just point them to the Source of the "mess" and it's not for us to untangle it, but to know and to seek after the Source of it.

     One of the single most important things for me, personally, in my belief of God, is that it places a price on people, and myself, that cannot be paid for by anyone on earth by God alone.  He alone is able to "own" us because He created us.  What this means for me is that it places a value on the person to my left or to my right, wanting what's best for them and for them to succeed more than myself.  First off, God gives me a glimpse of His heart for the person and gives me a taste of how much He loves them and then, in turn, it causes me to love them.  Certainly not with an earthly shallow love that we humans are able to conjure up somehow, but by spending time with their Creator and with them and hearing God's heart for them.  A love fills my heart for them that desires to see them act in the gifts that God has given them.  I believe it's part of having an "older brother's" heart for them.  And as an older brother myself, I desire to see my sister do as best as she can in whatever she puts her heart to; not only that, but I desire to see her working in the gifts God has given her.  It's an excitement that enters my heart, and an anticipation to see how they will be one they tap into the power and gifts God has given them.

     I have many favorite attributes of God, but among the top is that He is such a forgiving God and He gives me grace for the moment, for the hour, for the day and for my life.  I don't have to work for it, nor do I have to work up to it.  When I come to Christ, it's all right there for me and I just accept the gift that He has given me.  This sort of gift, though, is not the kind that is just for me.  Like a little kid at Christmas, you want to share it  with your friends because it's just so cool!  We forgive because He forgave us first, and because of Him we are able to extend forgiveness and grace to those who hurt us.  Which in fact, is a fact of life; you will get burned, you will get hurt, and life is far too short to think that I am the judge to deal out punishment for it and hold onto a grudge that will only fester and hold me captive until I give it to God.  With this, I have freedom because I don't have to go around thinking I have to find some sort of way to find revenge on a person who burns me, but to just forgive them because 1) Jesus tells us to, and 2) because if I don't, only bitterness will harbor in my heart and will create a wall between me and that person and between me and God.  That's something that I really do not want because I want to have no barriers between me and my Heavenly Father so He can access each and every area of my life.  (After all, the veil was torn when Christ died.  Why try and put another barrier up when Christ has torn the big one down?)

     I place a high value on life.  Not because of how I see it, because I don't really know how to perceive life that well.  By spending time with God, the Creator of life, I've acquired a glimpse of how special and precious life really is, and also just how fragile it is.  In the blink of an eye a life can be ended, but also, a new life can start.  Life is an interesting thing to me because it can just be so simple but then so complex with all of its twists and turns and ups and downs.  But God shows me something: though life can be complicated, living it in His will and in His power makes it incredibly simple.  It saves me time of worrying so much about this and that, and such and such, but rather the "that of the time; just the one thing that I need to worry about at the time is what God has for me and what He has planned for me in that moment.

     There's always a part of me that longs for more.  More relationship, more truth, more love, more peace.  Just more.  And as I ache and long for it, sometimes I get weary because of that desire.  Before I had come to relationship with Jesus, that desire for more was always left dry and never even touched.  Once I came to know Jesus personally, I discovered that He really has more for me than I could ever imagine: more love, more joy, more peace. He has more than my mind really can take.  I can take peace in the fact that I am lacking, because He has more for me.  And even when I am able to "perform," He still has much more for me than I can ever imagine.

Dear You

Dear you, yea you the person reading this.  I apologize if I ever come across as "holier than thou." My heart isn't to compare myself to you, no my goal is for you to see the Savior.  Sure, words on a screen only hold so much weight, and true impact is only by face-to-face relationship and not just words.  And hey, actions do speak louder than words, but words, they are not silent in the least.  What I don't understand is when I'm talked down to.  I don't front myself better or wiser or stronger or even wiser than you.  In fact, I recognize my faults, probably more than anyone I kick myself to the curb because of them.  But what I also understand is the grace God has given me.  Grace to live, grace to speak, grace to breathe.  I don't deserve any of this.  Please, we are all on level ground here at the foot of the cross.  My heart breaks for the lost, for those who feel that all Christians are, are judgemental people who only stick their noses at sinners and always push them away.  I apologize for those Christians who have inadequately represented my Jesus to you.  I do know that I fall in that area too, I mean come on I'm not perfect either.
     What I don't understand is the constant shouting of, "Don't judge me!" when in turn you judge me too!  Let's understand this:  "judging" one another is a part of being human.  We can't stop that.  What we can do, though is to not act upon those judgements and preconceived notions about whomever and live in accordance to how God sees the person.  We're all hypocrites, it's a part of being human.  Personally, I like to assume the best out of people; I like to give room to be burned (NOT because I'm perfect, but because I see that that is what Jesus did and continues to do for me).  Now, this does not mean I condone people being judgemental, but only give grace to those who do.  But I also recognize this: telling somebody that they're wrong because they are isn't judging them.  Would we accuse a doctor of "judging" us when all he tells us is that we're sick?  Nonsense!  Granted, I'm not equating myself with a doctor, because I'm not one, but understand the analogy, here.  Or even something like, "You're tall!"  I'm not gonna get defensive and yell that you've "judged" rather that you judged the fact that in fact, I am tall. 
     This is what I understand:  sin has corrupted and skewed our view of all things.  It caused a chasm to form between us and God, and the communion between us and Him is severed because of it.  I also understand that sin distorts our view of each other.  Sin affects our lives horizontally and vertically.  However, you put those together, you've got a cross.  (Horizontal beam, vertical beam, get it? =D)  There's one thing that fixes this:  Jesus.  His sacrifice for us.  God became man to die for man so that man may live.  There's one remedy for the disease that has killed billions since the beginning.  That disease is sin, the remedy is Jesus' sacrifice for us.  That's the only cure for this horrible curse that grips on our hearts and crouches at our door to ambush us and take us captive.  Understand this, too:  Nobody needs Jesus more than any one person.  We all need Him the same, because we all have the same problem.  The only thing is if we're in Christ, we're not controlled, nor held in bondage by sin, but still struggle with it because of our imperfect humanity that's being renewed day in and day out by the Holy Spirit.  We all need Jesus.  Find Him.

Trust

                God shows and teaches me lessons in perspective shifts and stories.  This particular one is close to me at the moment: When it comes to trusting God, it would be like being at the pool with your dad.  He’s in there smiling at you beckoning you to jump into his arms.  You look at your father and examine the pool.  How deep is it?  Is the water dirty?  Then you examine your daddy.  Is he strong enough to catch me?  Can I trust that he will catch me and not leave me to dry? (… okay, get wet?)  While realistically a small child won’t run that through their “grid,” we do it all of the time.  Child-like faith/trust says that “Well of course he would catch me!”  Our “reason” and “logic” says, “Will he really catch me?  Can I really trust him?”  I wonder how we get there and I fail to come up with a pin point in our lives where we begin to rely on reason and logic to determine our choices than our faith in a perfectly good, wholly holy, overwhelmingly loving, incorruptible God.  Maybe we get let down by someone who we look to and then make the conclusion that ALL that we look up to will eventually fail us.  Or perhaps somewhere along the line our parents failed us in some way and we think that if the adults that God placed over us were unable to be perfect, how could the one who sent them be?  It’s almost like we think we know better than the God who created everything.  We tend to place the failures of humanity onto God and by so doing we doubt His goodness and His love.  We see the horrible things that go on and blame Him saying, “Well if God really is a good God, why would He allow such evil things to happen?”  Think about this, though.  Would a good God control the actions of His creation?  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe God causes evil things, nor do I think He rejoices in the tragedies of life.  In fact, I know that He weeps with us and is comforting us.  The life of Jesus expresses that to us.  Any time a parent reached out to Him for help with their children, He answered them and healed their child.  When I look at Him at the home of Mary and Martha after their brother passed away, I see Him weeping with the mourners.  In short, God is with those who are hurting and is never far from the cry of a broken heart.

                One of the beautiful things of life is the beauty of free will.  Though through free will entered sin and death, it also enters in love.  Free will enables us the ability to love, and there is no greater force on earth than love.  The most potent love is God’s love, for it conquered the grave and raised Christ from the dead.  It also enables us the ability to trust.  God doesn’t force us to trust or love Him.  He didn’t create us to be robots.  Robots don’t love.  Robots don’t have relationships. Only free will-given beings can have relationships.  The biggest thing about relationship is trust.  Without trust, we’re just paranoid and try to keep control on the thing.  Nobody wants to marry anyone who is going to try and control every move they make and every person they spend time with.  When God created Adam and Eve, He ENTRUSTED them to taking care of the garden and His creation.  God trusted Adam and Eve and still trusts us.  Sin didn’t change His view of us; it changed our view of Him and everything else.  The thing that causes us to run through the grid is sin.  To put it plainly, doubting God is what leads us into sin, for that is what caused Eve to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  The enemy had her doubt God, “Did God really say…?” and “You will not die when you eat of the tree.”  This is what the enemy did and still does.  He got Eve into thinking that God was withholding something from her, and so she ate of the tree.  This doubt would have been remedied if she knew this one thing:  God only has good things in mind for His children. 

When God told Adam and Eve not to eat of the tre, what He gave was the amazing gift of relationship with the Creator.  When they didn’t trust, they sinned.  But when Jesus trusted, sin was defeated.  As Jesus was fully God while being fully man, He had the choice to not trust God and choose His own way.  (It’s odd to even think about this, and quite frankly hurts my brain because as Jesus and the Father are one, it’s quite mind-breaking to ever envision Jesus choosing something contrary to what God’s will is… ooohh my brain.)  In His prayer saying “Father, remove this cup from Me… but not what I will, what You will” Jesus chose to jump into the arms of His heavenly Father, and by so doing, defeated sin and death. 

Don’t we see what the result of simple trust in God is?  It’s life.  And please, choose life.